Whose names go on the invitation, and in what order

An invitation carries a surprising number of names for such a short document. The two of you, possibly four parents, possibly children, possibly a title or two. Every one of those is a small decision, and a few of them are the kind that get noticed.

Here is what the conventions actually are, and which of them still matter.

Whose name comes first#

Traditionally the bride is named first at a wedding, because the invitation came from her parents. That is the origin of the rule and it is the whole of it.

In practice, choose on sound. Read both orders out loud. One of them will be better, and that is the correct answer.

Sarah and Thomas

Thomas and Sarah

For same sex couples there is no convention at all, which is a freedom rather than a gap. Alphabetical, or whichever reads better, or whoever proposed. Nobody is counting.

Full names or first names#

This sets the formality of the entire invitation more than any other choice on it.

• First names only. Warm, modern, right for a day where most guests know you both
• First and surname. The standard middle ground, and the safest default
• Full names with middle names. Formal, traditional, correct for a church or a very formal room
• Titles. Mr, Mrs, Dr. Only if your family uses them naturally. Written into an invitation that is otherwise chatty, they read as a costume

One rule: be consistent. If you are Sarah Harper, he is Thomas Reed, not Tom.

Parents#

Naming parents is a way of honouring them rather than a statement about who paid. If they are named, name them in a form they would recognise as themselves.

Ask your parents what they would like to be called on it. Some want Mr and Mrs James Harper. Some would be quietly appalled by that and want Anne and James. It takes one message to find out and it prevents the only kind of complaint that lingers.

The full set of host line wordings is in invitation wording when parents are hosting.

Step parents and second families#

The short version: name the people who raised you and the people who are in your life, and do not let a naming convention decide a family question. The wordings that keep four parents on one line without it reading as a legal document are in divorced and remarried parents on an invitation.

Children#

If either of you has children, naming them on the invitation is a generous thing to do and it is noticed.

Sarah and Thomas, with Emily and Jack, invite you to celebrate their marriage.

Ask the children first if they are old enough to have a view. See invitation wording for a second marriage for more.

A parent who has died#

Naming them anyway is common and perfectly correct.

Sarah, daughter of Anne Harper and of the late James Harper

Or leave the host line simple and remember them elsewhere in the day. There is no wrong answer and nobody is checking.

Who the invitation is addressed to#

This is the other half of the naming question, and the more practical one. Naming every guest in a household by name is how you answer the children question and the plus one question before either is asked.

Anne and James Harper, and Rosa

An envelope addressed to "the Harper family" is read as an invitation to everybody who lives there, including the dog. Plus one wording covers this properly, and it is the single most useful piece of invitation etiquette there is.

How the names look#

Names are usually the largest thing on an invitation, which means the design is partly a decision about how your names sit together. A long name and a short one behave very differently across two lines, and it is worth looking at yours in the actual design before committing.

Choosing an invitation design and typefaces on an invitation both come down to that question in the end.