Wedding invitation wording, line by line

An invitation has one job. A guest should reach the end of it knowing who is getting married, when, where, and what is being asked of them. Everything after that is tone.

Almost every wording problem comes from writing it as a letter. It is not a letter. It is six short lines read in a fixed order, and the order does more work than the vocabulary.

The six lines, in order#

1. Who is inviting. Traditionally the people paying. Now, usually the couple, sometimes both sets of parents, sometimes nobody at all.
2. The invitation itself. One sentence asking the guest to come.
3. The two names. The largest thing on the card, and the only part a guest is guaranteed to read.
4. The day and the time. Written out, not abbreviated.
5. The place. Venue name, then the town. The full address belongs further down, near the map.
6. What you need back. A reply, by a date, and how to give it.

If a line is not doing one of those six jobs, cut it. A crowded invitation is not more generous, it is harder to act on.

Formal#

Formal wording is built on the third person. Nobody says I or we, the day is spelled out, and the time avoids digits.

Mr and Mrs James Whitfield
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter

Eleanor Rose
to
Thomas Adeyemi

Saturday, the twelfth of September
at half past two in the afternoon
St Bride’s, Fleet Street, London

Two small conventions worth keeping if you are going formal at all. The pleasure of your company is for a civil or non religious ceremony, the honour of your presence is for a religious one. And a British card writes the day before the month.

Warm and modern#

The most common register now, and the easiest to get right, because it sounds like the two of you.

We are getting married,
and we would love you there.

Eleanor & Thomas
Saturday 12 September, 2pm
The Boathouse, Ullswater

Note what is missing. No request the pleasure, no third person, no apology for the informality. Warm wording fails when it is half formal, because the reader can hear you deciding.

Short#

The whole invitation in four lines. This works far better than people expect, particularly when the rest of the detail lives one tap away rather than on the card itself.

Eleanor and Thomas.
12 September, 2pm.
The Boathouse, Ullswater.
Come and eat with us.

When the hosts are complicated#

Modern families rarely fit the old formula, and the old formula is not worth contorting yourself for. Some wording that solves the usual cases:

• Both sets of parents. Together with their families, Eleanor and Thomas invite you to their marriage.
• A parent who has died. Eleanor, daughter of the late James Whitfield and of Marianne Whitfield. Naming them is normal and nobody will find it heavy.
• Divorced parents. Give each their own line, mother first, with no and joining them.
• Nobody hosting. Eleanor and Thomas invite you. This is now the most common opening of all.

The lines people get wrong#

The reply. Ask for one thing, with a date attached. Please let us know by 1 August beats RSVP on its own, which is a word plenty of guests treat as decorative. More on the practicalities in collecting replies without chasing anyone.

Adults only. Never write those two words. Address the invitation to the exact people invited and it says itself. If you must be explicit, put it in the reply section rather than under your names: We are keeping the day to adults, and we hope that gives you a night off. There is more on this in saying exactly who is invited.

Gifts. Nothing about gifts belongs on the invitation itself. It goes further down, in its own small section, and the wording matters enough to have its own guide.

The dress code. Two words on the card, and an honest sentence underneath if the two words are ambiguous. See dress code wording.

Read it out loud#

The last test, and the only one that reliably catches a bad invitation. Read the finished thing aloud to somebody who is not marrying you. If they ask a question at the end, that answer is the line you are missing. If they say nothing, you are done.